"Written for Girls" Part 14 - Part 5 You should avoid these traps 1. Why do men leave home?

A wife nagging her husband is like water eroding a stone. It is the most brilliant way to kill someone without blood. "To a man's happiness in marriage," Dorothy Dix wrote, "his wife's temper and temperament are more important than anything else. She may possess every virtue in the world, But if she is grumpy, nagging, fussy, and withdrawn, all her other virtues will amount to zero.”

“Many men lose momentum and give up the chance to fight,” she continued, “because his wife continues to throw cold water on his every hope and wish, and she is endlessly critical and wants to know why. Her husband cannot make as much money as a certain man she knows, or why her husband cannot write a best-selling book or get a good position. A wife like this is really frustrating to her husband. . Really, nagging and being picky bring more misfortune to the family than extravagance and waste. On this point, you don’t have to believe me right away. Listen to what the experts have to say.

Dr. Levesh Terman is a famous psychologist. He conducted detailed research on more than 1,500 couples. The results showed that husbands ranked nagging and picky as their wives' worst shortcomings. A Gallup poll also found the same result, with men ranking nagging and picky as the top shortcomings of women. Johnson Temperament Analysis is another famous scientific study. They also found that no other personality can bring as much harm to family life as nagging and picky.

However, it seems that since ancient times, wives have tried their best to influence their husbands by nagging and criticizing them. Legend has it that Socrates once spent much of his time hiding under trees in Athens, meditating on philosophy, to escape his ill-tempered wife Rancipa. Prominent men like French Emperor Napoleon III and American President Abraham Lincoln also suffered from nagging wives. Augustus Caesar divorced his second wife because he "could not stand her violent personality."

Women still want to change their husbands by nagging them. From ancient times to the present, this method has never worked unless the sun rises from the west. An old friend once told us that his career was almost destroyed by his wife who always looked down upon and made fun of every job he ever did. When he first started, he was a salesman. He loved his product and promoted it enthusiastically. When he came home in the evening, he originally hoped to get some encouragement, but his wife greeted him with these words: "Well, our great genius, business is good, right? Did you bring back a lot of commissions? Or Did you just bring back a lecture from the sales manager? I think you must know that you have to pay the rent next week, right?"

This went on for several years. Although he was ridiculed from time to time, this man still worked hard. He now serves as executive vice president of a nationally renowned company. As for his wife? Oh, he divorced her and married a younger girl who could give him the love and support his first wife could not give him. In fact, the first wife had no idea why she lost her husband. "I have lived frugally and endured hardship for so many years," she told her friend. "But when he no longer needed me to work for him, he left me and went to find a younger woman. Men are like this Son!" If someone told this woman that it was not another woman who made her husband leave her, but her own nagging and pickiness, she would not believe it. But this was indeed the real reason why her husband left her. She nags and criticizes in a dismissive way - this is a long-term blow and torture to a man's self-confidence; a blow to his self-esteem as a man who thinks he has the ability to earn money to support his family.

Recently, the son of another old friend had the same experience. He was a young man in his twenties who got a job in advertising. Competition is fierce. He needs comfort and loving understanding to keep the courage to fight. His wife was very active and ambitious, but impatient that her husband was too slow. Under his wife's constant ridicule and accusations, his courage disappeared. He told me that the most unbearable thing for him was that his wife had gradually eroded his confidence in himself, just like the constant dripping of water will corrode a stone. He began to lose confidence in his job, and eventually, he lost his job. His wife soon divorced him. Since the divorce, he had gradually regained his lost self-confidence, just like a sick person trying to regain his health.

One of the most destructive ways to nag and find fault is to compare one person to others. "Why don't you make more money? Bill Smith has been upgraded twice, you only once." "My brother can afford to buy a fur coat for his wife - of course, he knows how to make money. "If I marry Herbert, I will definitely live a more luxurious life." These are the most brilliant ways to kill without blood.

Complaints, complaints, comparisons, contempt, ridicule, nagging - women who like to nag and criticize, among these cruel psychological behaviors, if they are not specialized in one of them, they will become omnipotent in both. . Nagging is like an anesthetic: you can’t learn it and you can’t change it. It is habit-forming. When a girl becomes a bride at the age of twenty, if she only knows how to nag a lot and wonders when she will be able to move into a new house as good as Martin’s house, then when she is forty, she will definitely become a A hopeless, unsatisfied, unlovable complainer.

It is rare for a couple to quarrel several times during their married life together. Mentally sound people can handle ordinary disputes without creating emotional rifts. But the stress of constant, unrelenting nagging often wears down even the most enterprising spirit. No matter what great achievements a man has made, if he comes home every night and encounters that nagging, picky wife, I believe he will be pulled down from his throne again.

In a recent speech, Dr. Sham W. Steven, a professor at the University of Virginia, called on American husbands to enjoy four new freedoms: freedom from being nagged and criticized, and freedom from being shouted at. freedom from indigestion and the freedom to change into old-fashioned clothes with ease after a long day at work.

Why do women nag their husbands so much? There are so many reasons. Sometimes nagging is a symptom of physical discomfort. Frequent check-ups with a doctor can keep us healthy, just as frequent check-ups on our cars can keep them in good driving condition. Chronic fatigue often turns into a tendency to nag. Treatment involves organizing the person's life more efficiently; identifying the cause of fatigue and eliminating it. “The shock of repression,” say psychologists, “often leads to nagging.” In-law problems, sexual frustration, loss of love, inner dissatisfaction with life—these are typical shocks, and they often end up in nagging, To express complaints or complaints. Analyzing a person's psychology, finding out these blows, and guiding them to vent, doing something related to this aspect, is the best way to eliminate it. Venting by nagging only adds fuel to the fire.

Sometimes, even the law uses nagging as a basis for mitigating sentences. A telegram from Stockholm, Sweden, once reported a very surprising view of the Swedish Parliament on murder convictions - this amendment bill will convict the crime of premeditated murder as manslaughter rather than murder - if the victim can be proven He is a nagging person. In a Georgia Supreme Court case, a husband was not guilty of locking himself in a guest room to escape his wife's nagging. The court said, "King Solomon said, 'It is better to live in a corner in an attic than to be caressed by women in the hall.'" - A British judge approved a man and his wife who had eloped. The wife got a divorce, but reduced the husband's compensation request from $700 to $210. The judge explained, "As a result of the discord between the parties, the wife's value to her husband has diminished year by year."

In New York's "U.S. News" magazine, columnist Ha Boye once criticized the verdict, saying, "Which wife would want the law books to say that her value has been reduced year by year because of the discord between the couple. ? This is not a very good precedent. If this concept is developed, maybe husbands will start to come to the court and say: 'Judge, I want a divorce, but don't ask me to pay that unreasonable alimony. My wife and I have been at odds for a long time. She is no longer worth a copper. I just want her to be free. "Some men are not only willing to let their wives be free, but are even willing to find ways to do it." Get rid of her, no matter what. In a recent issue of World Telecom magazine in New York, there appeared a crime story about an unscrupulous man, a fifty-year-old truck mechanic who hired three gangsters to kill him. His wife died. Why? It turned out that his wife had been nagging and criticizing him.

If you also believe that nagging is such a big obstacle to a man’s work and success, do you also want to know if there is any remedy? Yes, if people who love nagging can understand the pain it brings, And if you really want to change it. Unless you know you have a disease, you can't cure it. Nagging is a destructive mental illness. If you don't know if you have this problem, ask your husband. If he actually tells you that you are a nag, don't angrily deny it immediately - it just proves that he is right. Instead, take immediate steps to correct the situation. Here are six suggestions that may be helpful to you:

1. Get the cooperation of your husband and family.

Whenever you get angry, give strict orders, or harp on a problem, ask them to fine you a quarter of a cent.

2. Train yourself to say something only once and then forget about it.

If you have to impatiently remind your husband six or seven times that he promised to mow the lawn and that he probably won't do it now, why are you wasting your time? The nagging only made him want to refuse even more and made him determined never to give in.

3. Find ways to use gentle methods to achieve your goals

"Catching flies with something sweet is much more effective than something sour, our grandmothers often said. In fact, this sentence is still very true today. "If you are willing to mow the grass, my dear, I Your favorite fruit cake will be baked for you to have for dinner. Or, "Honey, it's so nice to see you keeping our lawn so neatly trimmed—Ellen Smith said she wished her husband could be as diligent as you." ” These methods, and others like them, will make your wishes come true more easily.

4. Develop a sense of humor.

A sense of humor will keep you in a good mood. Only an idiot would giggle when he is sad. But people who are unhappy about trivial matters will have a nervous breakdown sooner or later. Some wives got angry when they urged their husbands to go to the bathroom to get a towel. They were as angry as Lotor when she mourned her child, or when Mrs. Mark inspired her husband to murder the king. No sane woman would ever be so wasteful as to pay the price of a cheap dress imported from France. However, some of us often waste our energy, with a tight face, and change our love for some trivial things. into resentment.

5. Discuss major unpleasant events calmly.

When something unpleasant happens, find a way to write it down on a note. Don't say anything while it's happening. Then, when you and your husband are calm and at peace, bring these things up for discussion. If it is something small and unimportant, you will be embarrassed to mention it again. You must discuss the main causes of anger in a sensible and non-judgmental manner and see if you can use mutual trust and cooperation to eliminate them.

6. You can be proud of your ability to achieve your goals without nagging.

Learn and practice the art of relationships. Learn to inspire others to do what you want, rather than driving them. According to Charles Scoub, this is the secret to manipulating men. Of course, he's right - someone pays him a million dollars a year because of his ability. Just like a certain song goes, you can't hold a man captive with a gun - and you certainly can't hold him captive with nagging words. Doing so will only destroy his spirit and destroy your own happiness.