"Written to Girls" Thirteen - Part Four What Should You Do 6. Don't Let Your Husband Leave You Behind

When a husband moves towards his career kingdom, the one person who will never be left behind is his “goodwill ambassador”.

When Mr. and Mrs. T. W. Hines of Kentucky were married fourteen years ago, Mrs. Hines said she was subject to many restrictions because of her timidity. Her own statement is this, "I am afraid of contact with strangers. I am afraid of standing in a crowd and attending public parties. I am hopelessly shy."

Mr. Hines was a promising young lawyer who was active in local political circles. He needs to meet people, attend meetings, gatherings, and social events and entertainment programs. Shirley Hines, his bride, was terrified of facing these scenes. How can she overcome her fear of people, her shyness, and her need to be a husband?

Shirley Hines decided to overcome her difficulties. One day, she read these words in a magazine: "Human beings are most interested in themselves. So, in conversation, you can focus on others. Talk about himself, his problems, his success. Focus your attention on him and you will forget your own existence.”

These words changed Shirley Hines' entire outlook. She decided to try this advice. This method really works. "Gradually," she said, as Mrs. Hines told me how she changed, "I became less afraid of other people because I became interested in them. I realized that they also had their own troubles and troubles. As I got to know them better, , I started to like them. Now, I am very happy to meet new people, I enjoy playing in my own home, and I also enjoy going to other places with my husband, who is now. The state senator.

"Most importantly, I'm glad that my inability to take responsibility in social situations didn't hold him back from success."

It is the responsibility of every wife to train herself to achieve the social skills her husband needs for his career. No matter what the husband's occupation is, if the wife has the ability to get along well with others and is socially adaptable, she can greatly increase her husband's chances of success.

It would be great if the wife was born with this ability. If not, she must learn these abilities, just like Mrs. Hines.

The governor of a certain state in the United States once told me informally that the biggest reason for his success was that he married a witty, educated and charming wife. He himself was born "far overseas" and grew up in a poor immigrant area of a big city.

"If I married a neighbor's girl," he said, "I would doubt very much whether I would have the motive to educate myself and get ahead in the world. My wife, thank God, has everything I lack. Something. She has education and status. Whether my job requires us to deal with the royal family or among people who are treated unfairly, she can adapt to any situation."

Don't think that because your husband is just doing a lower-level job now, you don't have to be a big help. The future leaders of business, industry, and professions are currently unknown young people who no one knows about. No one starts out at the top. Are you ready to build a name for your husband ten, twenty or thirty years from now? By then he was already a top guy.

Get started now, and if you're feeling shy, like Shirley Hines, get ready to eliminate those shyness now. If you are a bit clumsy or not alert enough, you should learn to like, respect and appreciate others. If you feel you lack an education, you shouldn't hide behind the age-old excuse of "I never had a chance to go to college." You can take classes in the evening department. If you can't afford the tuition, run instead of walking to the nearest public library.

A wife who is left behind by her husband because she cannot keep up with her husband's career is not a sympathetic character. Such people are usually too lazy or unwilling to take advantage of the endless opportunities that surround each of us to improve ourselves.

"Keeping up with the changing pace of your husband's career is the real key to a happy marriage," writes Mrs. Eric Johnston, wife of the president of the American Film Institute.

Mrs. Johnston advised wives who wanted to catch up with their husbands' careers to participate in social activities to expand their circle of friends, rather than limiting their friends to a small circle.

“Perhaps you would think,” Mrs. Johnston wrote, “that your husband does not have a social career that requires you to keep up with him at all times. Eric had no such career at first either. When we became engaged, He was going door-to-door selling vacuum cleaners. At that time, neither of us knew where Eric was going to go. All I knew was that he was going to be famous.

No one knows what the future will look like. But a smart person will be ready and wait for the opportunity when it comes. Learning how to meet and get along with friends is an essential way to prepare yourself before your husband gets the job he needs. This is a technique that can always help your husband, no matter what his career or social status. If he himself is a bit clumsy in dealing with people, his clever wife will help him make up for his careless mistakes; if he is already quite tactful among his friends, he sometimes still needs his wife's help to prevent him from appearing too ridiculous.

While I was researching information for this book, I had a great meeting with the HR director of one of the largest companies in the United States. He told me that he sometimes forgets to pay attention to other people's feelings because he is too focused on his work. "But my wife will never forget to be nice to me because she is too busy." He told me very proudly. .

"Just a few days ago, I angrily ran to our laundry and yelled at the boss, I hope my clothes should be washed in this way without any slight deviation. He frowned and looked at me for a while , and then replied: 'I always feel better if it's your wife."

“Everyone prefers my wife,” the director continued. “She’s loving and kind. She really cares about people and doesn’t bore them.”

“When we walked past the shop owned by our neighbor, a Greek, my wife greeted him in Greek. At another corner at the end of the street, she said hello to the man selling fruit in Italian. They didn’t even say hello. Ignore me, why should they? It was my wife who went out of her way to say hello to them, not me. This is a typical way for her to gain pleasure. Of course, she also gained something. "

A woman who is friendly and kind is a priceless asset. Men who are busy at work are often too focused on the technical aspects of their work and are unable to establish warm interpersonal relationships that enhance the fun of life. How lucky he would be if he had a wife who could create a heart-warming atmosphere wherever she went. A woman like this will never be left behind when her husband moves forward in his career. She is her husband's goodwill ambassador who travels around the world.

There are many simple ways that a gracious woman can give her husband a good social foundation. Like most techniques, this one requires regular practice. Mrs. Hans Catember, whose husband is the president of the American Association of News Broadcasters, was extremely clever in helping her husband. She said she has become known as the "interruption expert" because she has a sixth sense for when and how to interrupt. When I interviewed her, she told me that if the conversation at dinner took a wrong turn, she would wait for the right moment to say, "Hans, why don't you talk about General So-and-so... ?" This gives everyone time to calm down and move away from the less pleasant topics.

Mrs. Catember also knew how to keep her popular husband from overworking himself. After her husband's speech, many people wanted to shake his hand and always stood there talking with him for a long time. That's not good for his health. Mrs. Catember would tell him new topics at the right time, such as: their car was waiting outside, or they had missed an appointment.

Once, after giving a speech at the town hall, Mr. Carter was surrounded by many questions from the audience. Mrs. Carter knew that if the speech did not end soon, her husband would be exhausted. She stood up and said, "I'm sorry, I have a question." Then she added, "Mrs. Catember would like to know when Mr. Catember can come home for lunch." The audience unanimously agreed with her, and Catember Only then can Mr. Tianbai go home for lunch.

There is another important thing that enables a wife to create a successful husband—or a husband she hopes will be successful. But it first requires enough love, sensitivity and the right timing on both sides. If this is not done delicately, it may have the opposite consequences. This is: the wife should prevent her husband from becoming complacent with his success.

In this book, we have mentioned many ways to build aggressiveness in men. But every woman also knows that sometimes a man needs to be discouraged in order to maintain his impulse and not become a dim-witted egomaniac. Women who can do this successfully are worthy of eternal gratitude, and indeed they are. Disraeli mentioned his wife as his harshest critic and praised her for it. She enabled her husband to always write down-to-earth.

Another successful man in modern times also told me that the kind criticism his wife gave him at the right time could be said to have made the most significant contribution to his success. His name is Liman Piccolo Stowe. He is a writer, university lecturer, and former editor. His grandmother, Holly Beecher Stowe, wrote "The Record of the Negro Slaves."

“When I first started teaching at the university,” Mr. Stowe said, “I was very lucky that my student department liked me. When they gathered around me after class and said, how did I do? , I was really in a trance. At that time, I was really drunk with my lecture. I could hardly wait another minute and was anxious to go home and tell Hilda that I was getting married. What a great genius.”

“When I want to try other industries or take on a new job, Hilda always helps me build my self-confidence, so when she doesn’t respond enthusiastically to my proud situations, I am quite Strange. 'I'm glad you did such a good job, Liman,' she said. 'But don't let the flattery go to your head unless you work hard to maintain your standards in the future. People will also abandon you and leave you."

"I remember once speaking in front of a large crowd at the groundbreaking ceremony of a certain building. I felt that I had fully expressed myself on this occasion. I feel that I have been the best person since William Jerlins... The greatest orator since Brian, and I went home happy.

"I told Hilda what I was proud of and performed the climax of the speech again. Later I repeated the details of my pride several times. Then I sat down and waited for Hilda's praise. She told me Smiling, "That's great, honey, but what about the people who paid for the building? It seems to me that they are more deserving of praise - your speech is just a tribute to them." ”

"She's so right. My pride burst around me like a soap bubble. I realized that I almost turned into a selfish, arrogant clown. I really want to thank my wife With love and sensitivity, I began to understand myself and my meager efforts.

Mrs. Hines, Mrs. Johnston, Mrs. Catember, Mrs. Stowe, these ladies all knew how to live with their husbands—and to honor their husbands.

Their approach is to do their best to win friendships everywhere, to be competent in any social situation, and to keep their husbands down-to-earth and not complacent.

If any woman can do this, she will no longer have to worry about becoming a "girl left behind by her husband."